


Kettch

by Talon88



Category: Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 05:51:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17502830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talon88/pseuds/Talon88
Summary: This is for a writing challenge.  I was assigned a minor character and I have to write a short story about it. My minor character is Kettch who was a make-believe Ewok pilot in Wraith Squadron.This could be a missing moment in the canon story. All the characters and background are canon. Although I got all my information from Wookieepedia, so I don't know how accurate it is.





	Kettch

**_14 ABY: Corellia_ **

Wes Janson slowly woke up from an alcohol-induced haze having partied a little to hard the night before. He went out to a Corellian tavern to tie one over and to laugh about a prank they pulled on Wedge Antilles involving black boot polish and macrobinoculars. It was an old joke where you smear polish over the eyepieces…but Wedge fell for it. What was worse was nobody told Wedge he had black circles around his eyes and he didn't figure it out until two hours later when he went to the 'fresher. Wedge was furious and once he discovered Wes was the person who pulled the prank on him, he swore revenge on Wes tenfold.

Wes opened his eyes slowly and flinched. He had an awful hangover. It felt like a thermal detonator had gone off inside his head. He blinked a few times letting his eyes adjust.

' _Where am I?'_ he thought as he gazed around his unfamiliar surroundings. It looked like he was in a storage room, but it was hard to tell because only one glow panel in the room worked leaving most of the chamber dimly lit. He looked down and realized he was shackled to a chair.

"What the kriff?" he muttered. He pulled at his restraints and tried to lift the chair off the ground, but it appeared bolted to the floor. "This must be the work of Antilles," he groused. Wedge was getting his promised revenge. "Shavit! Wedge! Where are you! This is not funny."

"Indeed, it is not funny," came a voice from the corner of the room. Whoever it was they were speaking basic, but there was an artificial tinge to the voice, like the person was talking via a throat-mounted translator.

Wes squinted trying to make out the dark figure seemingly crouched at the back of the room. After his eyes adjusted he realized it was a furry creature sitting motionless against the wall.

"Who are you?"

"You should know who I am…you created me."

The voice definitely sounded altered to Wes. A second glow panel in the room flickered and turned on lighting up the room further. In the increased light Wes could see his stuffed doll Kettch positioned against the wall in a sitting position. Kettch was a fictional character Wes dreamed up as a prank. He had told a number of people that Wraith Squadron had an Ewok pilot in their ranks. The furry pilot reportedly had arm and leg prosthetic extensions built for him so he could reach the controls of an X-Wing. Wes had gone so far as to purchase a large Ewok doll, which he would place inside pilot's starfighter cockpits.

Wes examined the doll the best he could. He had to crane his neck into an uncomfortable position to see the stuffed Ewok. This doll looked larger than the toy he bought years ago, but he hadn't seen Kettch in years and he assumed Wedge destroyed the doll as revenge for another joke pulled on him. Wes figured Antilles must have bought a new doll for this payback prank and put a comlink inside it so it sounded like it could talk.

"Very funny Wedge!" he called out to the walls. He assumed that there were holocams positioned somewhere to capture his surprised look upon hearing Kettch talk to him. "But it is going to take more than a doll to scare me."

"How about this," came the voice in the corner of the room and suddenly Wes could hear the hum of a vibroblade.

Wes turned and to his horror Kettch stood. "Oh stang! Wedge! Okay, that is impressive! What is it, a kid in a Ewok suit?" Wes called out nervously.

A snicker came from the Ewok as he slowly approached Wes. "I wish it was only a suit." The Ewok came closer, the vibroblade humming menacingly. The creature stopped right in front of Wes and he could smell the distinct odor that was definitely Ewok. The creature grinned at him revealing a row of yellow crooked teeth and Wes could feel his hot breath waft over him.

"No, no, no, no!" He screamed. "This can't be happening! Kettch was make-believe. He wasn't real." Wes struggled with his restraints, but he was firmly secured to the chair.

"You're right," the strange looking Ewok said. "Kettch was make-believe. Unfortunately, your story was so realistic that Warlord Zsinj believed it. He truly believed there was an Ewok pilot named Kettch…and he was sure Kettch was an escapee from the Binring Biomedical Product lab on Saffalore. He was so convinced that he ordered his scientists to put an Ewok through training to find out if it was possible."

The Ewok paced around Wes slowly. "I was on Endor, just outside my village, and happily hunting when I was abducted and brought to Zsinj's laboratories to endure being a laboratory subject for his Project Chubar."

Wes shook his head. "What…what was that?"

The Ewok stopped in front of him. "It was Zsinj pretending to be a god—taking nonhuman sentient beings or near-sapient creatures and genetically, chemically and psychologically altering them so they can serve as spies for the warlord. After all, nobody would suspect an Ewok of being a spy. We are a dull race…primitive."

The Ewok walked over to the wall in front of Wes and leaned against it. From his vantage point Wes could see the Ewok was not proportioned correctly. His arms and legs were longer than normal. The creature must have seen his astonished stare because he held up his arms. "After I was poked and prodded by my captors it was time to see if I could fly an X-Wing. Of course, I was too small to fly one, so I was brought into an operating room where my arms and legs were surgically removed."

Wes gasped and the Ewok made a facial expression that reminded him of a smirk.

"Oh, don't worry. They fitted me with longer prosthetic limbs." The creature opened and closed his fist a few times with his free hand. "They work fairly well, but it made me a freak. When I escaped, I knew I could never go home. So here I am…the product of your imagination and Warlord Zsinj's cruelty. I was created just because Zsinj wanted to see if your story could be true." The Ewok walked up to Wes and bared his teeth.

"Before you die, I want you to know who I am and see what you created. My name is Kolot. I was born and raised on Endor before your fertile imagination caused me to be abducted and mutilated. No Ewok female would want me looking like this." He spread his arms out exhibiting his altered body. "So, when I heard the great Wes Janson was on planet I just had to see you…and give you a little payback."

"What are you going to do?" Wes said in a near panic.

Kolot moved the vibroblade closer to Wes's leg. "Maybe I'll cut off your legs and put on Ewok prosthetics, just to see how you like it." With that said Kolot brought the humming vibroblade down on Wes's thigh.

Wes remembered screaming and screaming…until he realized he wasn't in pain and Kolot was laughing.

Wedge, Garik Loran and the Gamorrean Voort saBinring came into the room laughing hysterically.

Wes stared at them slack jawed. "You did this, all of THIS, as payback for a harmless prank!" He looked down at his crotch. "Damn it I pissed my pants!" He looked over to the Ewok. "Who is he? How did you get a talking Ewok?"

Kolot came up to Wes and showed him the fake vibroblade. "I'm exactly who I said I am. The creation of Zsinj…I'm just not bent on homicidal revenge."

"Piggy, Face, release him." Wedge said calling the pilots by their nicknames. He came up to Kolot and put a hand on his shoulder. "I heard there was an Ewok pilot that was running a small transport operation on Corellia, so I checked it out." He looked down and smiled at the Ewok. "Kolot here wanted to meet you."

' _Face'_ Loran and _'Piggy'_ SaBinring finished freeing Wes who was still shaking from his ordeal. Wes stood and shook his head. "You got me Wedge. You scared the Kriff out of me. But you made a mistake."

Wedge's brow furrowed. "And what's that."

"Well, you know that every time we prank somebody the revenge prank is usually ten times worse." He winked at Wedge. "I can't imagine what I will have to do to top this…but I'll come up with something. Yub, yub." He turned to the Ewok. "I'm sorry you had to endure what you did because of my Kettch story." He then looked at his wingmates. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have underwear and trousers to change."

As he walked out of the room Wedge had an overwhelming feeling of dread creep up his spine. He turned to his cohorts, eyes wide. "I don't want to see what he is going to come up with." He shook his head. "I am so kriff'd."


End file.
